A Bible Reading Plan That is Music to My Ears

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, Worship

This time of year is often filled with many things that can tend to keep us busy.  With the business of life, we can often let some of those things that we really want to do fall by the wayside.  One of those things may well be your Bible reading plan.   If you are anything like me, it is always my goal to read the Bible through at least once a year.  It is usually this time of the year when I start looking for the next plan or guide to help me read through the Bible in a year.

Over the years I have tried many different plans.  Some that were good, and others that I didn’t care for as much.  The one that has been a good fit for me the last few years has been the 5 Day Bible Reading Program.  It is the one that I plan to use again this year.  It works best with my busy travel schedule.   Yet, this year I am adding a bit of a twist to my reading plan.  Often, when I am reading the Scripture, a hymn tune will pop into my mind that pairs well with the text I’m reading.  I love hymnody . . . both old and new.  I love to read and hear theologically rich lyrics paired with beautiful music.  I love to sing.  So, this past year I started jotting down the hymns that came to mind as I read the Scriptures each day.  I have now compiled a list of hymns, along with links to each tune on YouTube, that I plan to use each day to add to my time with the Lord.  I believe it will enrich my quiet time that I seek to have each day. 

 I compiled this list really for me, but if you would like to follow along this year as I read the Word and sing the Word, I would love for you to do so.  You may even find some new songs along the way.  You may or may not want to listen to the versions of the songs that I have chosen.  That is totally understandable and completely up to you.  You may choose instead to simply read the hymn from your favorite hymn book.  This too would provide spiritual nourishment as well.  You can find the vast majority of the listed songs in the Hymns of Grace hymnal, my preferred hymn book. So, open up a songbook and read the great songs of our faith along with your daily Bible intake.

You can check out (or print) a copy of the Reading and Listening Plan here.

If you would like a playlist of the songs, you can look for a Spotify playlist coming soon as well.   

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

The Beauty, Blessings, and Benefits of Christian Friendship

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, Friendship

God created us for relationships. We see it pictured in the unity of the Trinity. We see it exemplified in the first humans he ever made (man was alone, so God made a companion for him). We can see and read about companionship all throughout the Scriptures; therefore, we know on a personal level that the Lord made us for relationships. It is innate in us. We desire to have friends. It is a distinctive characteristic of all humans. Since God has created us for companionship it stands to reason that he would show us and tell us what they should look like. While we do not have a direct list of “friendship qualifications and responsibilities” the same way we do other relationships in the Bible, the Proverbs do provide us with some sound principles when it comes to what a biblical friendship should look like. I have taken up a few for us to consider here as we seek to find the beauty, blessings, and benefits of Christian friendship.

Seek to Be a Loving Friend

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” —Proverbs 17:17

A faithful friend will seek to be a consistent friend. The word for love here can be used when speaking about the love of a husband and wife or just as it is here, a genuine and true friend. It has a broad usage. But here we see that this is not a fair-weather friend. No, this is the kind of friend who “loves at all times.” They have made up their minds. No matter the season, they will be a constant companion.  They are weathered. They are tested. This kind of loving friend is as constant as they come. They love at all times. Their love has been forged through seasons of adversity. They are “born for adversity.” When a difficult season comes, they do not leave. Instead, they say, “I was born for this.” This is the kind of friend that we should seek to be. A friend that loves at all times, and is like a brother, born for adversity.

Seek To Be a Persevering Friend

“A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” —Proverbs 18:24 

Here this familial language is again. This close friendship is compared to a brotherly relationship. Notice here, a persevering friend is one who is, first, friendly themselves. This kind of loving perseverance in friendship should be mutual. It isn’t to be a lopsided friendship. There is mutual love and affection for one another. A persevering friend is one who is there through it all—the highs and the lows. You may not have had a good relationship with your biological brother. This kind of positive family bond is sadly not a reality for some (Think about how the patriarchs thought about their brother, Joseph, or even King David’s own brothers and how they thought of him.) Yet, we find a wonderful example of this kind of preserving friendship in the lives of David and Jonathan. Their friendship was an unlikely one. Nevertheless, it was a persevering one. It is one that the writer of Proverbs would have been well aware of as well, as he was David’s son.  

When I think of this type of persevering friendship, I think of a dear friend of mine. We have been through many different seasons together. When my brother passed away tragically, 8 years ago, this friend was the first one to call me. When I first walked into the funeral home, he was the first one to greet me. He listened to me. He cried many tears with me. He loved me and persevered with me. He made me want to be a better friend. This kind of persevering friend should make you want to be a better friend. We should not just seek to find a friend who perseveres with us, but we should seek to be this kind of friend who will persevere as well.      

Seek to Be a Truthful Friend

“Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” —Proverbs 27:5–6

Raise your hand if you like to have positive things said about you? Now, keep your hands up if you like to be rebuked for something that you did wrong? Is your hand still up? What if that rebuke was needed? I would hope you would desire that. This is where we find the next quality of friendship. A genuine friend will not conceal truth when a rebuke is necessary. Direct reproof is often hard to hear. Many do not want to reprove a friend. Why? Well, because it isn’t easy, and it could jeopardize that friendship. Yet, if your friend was about to get into a car accident, I am sure, you would yell at them and try to warn them to stop. Why? Because you love them. This kind of friend does not mind yelling “Stop!” or providing a word of warning or a rebuke if another friend needs it. This kind of friend will wound you when it is necessary, and then help to bandage you up later. These wounds may hurt, but they can be trusted, because you know that kind of friend has your best interest in mind. Their wounds are meant to correct not primarily hurt. 

If we are going to be a trustworthy friend, then we need to seek to be the kind of friend who will not throw our punches. We must be willing to say what God has said on a matter with love but also a firm backbone. We need to seek to be the kind of friend that will lovingly wound another with God’s truth if the situation calls for it. 

Seek to Be a Wise Friend

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” —Proverbs 27:9

Wisdom is both valuable and refreshing. In this verse, the writer, compares the pleasing aroma and revitalizing effect of oil and perfume to the wise counsel of a trusted friend. You may be one that can provide good advice when it comes to who to vote for in an election. You may be able to tell a friend when to buy or sell certain stocks. You may be able to explain how to knock 4 storks off someone’s golf game. There is a place for all of these. I am not saying that these things are bad. But how much more valuable of a friend would you be if you could provide biblical wisdom to your friend and not just cultural insight? What kind of friend would you be if you could provide wise and biblical counsel to a friend struggling in their marriage? What about providing biblical insight to one who is trying to figure out how to be a mom for the first time? How much of a blessing could you be to be able to point your friend to the Scriptures and explain how to be a good employee when their meanspirited and sinful boss is making their job difficult? This is the kind of counsel we need to be storing up so we can provide it when needed.           

If you want to make your friend’s heart truly glad, sure you can buy them some expensive cologne and provide something that smells great, yet what would be even sweeter is wise and “earnest counsel.” To do this you must fear the Lord and know how to apply his Word. We may have some work to do in this area as a friend, but it is a work worth pursuing. 

As we look at the four characteristics of a faithful friend, many of them, in part, could be achieved by a non-believer. A non-believer can love another friend. They can persevere and stick around in every season of life. If push came to shove, they could even provide a needed rebuke. At some level they could even give wise counsel from an earthly standpoint. So, what separates a good friend from a godly friend? What separates a Christian friendship from other friendships? Well, in short, Christ. It is the unity that we have because of the redemptive work of Jesus. He is the one who saved us. He is the one who is conforming us. So, let’s not settle on just being a good friend. Instead, we should work to be a godly friend. If we want to be the kind of friend that we find in the Scriptures, we must have Christ. He must be at the center of our relationship. 

Seek to be a Christ-like Friend 

“But of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God—and righteousness and sanctification and redemption.” —2 Corinthians 1:30

All of these characteristics that we find in the book of Proverbs we find perfectly personified in Jesus. There is a reason that Jesus is called “The personification of wisdom” by so many.** He lived out these characteristics perfectly as our example. If we want to be the kind of true friend that we have just been hearing and reading about, then we need to look to and follow Jesus. 

He is perfectly loving:

We see this in his compassion for Mary and Martha at the death of their brother—Jesus’s cousin and friend—Lazarus. He loved them and cared for them. We also see the love that he had for his disciples. Notice, what he says in John 15, “You are my friend if you do what I command you.” Here he is saying that he doesn’t just love his disciples but all who do what I command you. This means all believers of every age. If you have believed by faith, then you are Jesus’s friend. He is and was a brother who was literally born for adversity. He was mocked, jeered, and persecuted. He went to the cross absorbing the wrath of his Father. He did all of this for the glory of the Father and for the sake of his people—his friends. Because he was perfectly loving, we too should seek to love in this manner. 

He is closer than a brother:

In Matthew 12:50 Jesus said, “For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother.” Jesus was saying that his spiritual family is closer than his blood family. Just like no one can separate you biologically from a sibling, Jesus, is saying, I am always here. I am always close. I am not going anywhere. Nothing can separate us. This is the kind of friend that Jesus is and the kind of friend that we should seek to be when it is possible. 

He is always truthful and wise: 

Do you think Peter liked being told that he was allowing Satan to use him? Jesus directly looked Peter in the face and said, “Get behind me Satan” (Matt 16:23). He asked Paul, just prior to his conversion, “Why do you persecute me?” (Acts 9:4).  Both Peter and Paul needed these faithful wounds, just as we need faithful wounds. Thankfully, the Lord provides them for us through the Spirit and the Word. When we read the Scriptures, they often have one of two effects. They either comfort us or they convict us. This is what our truthful and all wise God does for his people. He applies the Word perfectly in every situation by the illuminating work of the Spirit.                                                                  

When we think about friendship, maybe Jesus isn’t the first one that comes to mind, but he should be. Jesus is and was the perfect friend. And if we want to be a faithful friend, we must look to him as a great example. By all means, if you don’t have a friend like this, pray for one. We all need faithful friends. But, more than that, seek to be one. Because in seeking to be one, you will find yourself becoming more and more like our elder brother, our friend, our Savior, Jesus. If you want to experience the beauty, blessings, and benefits of Christian friendship then look to the Proverbs—and look to Jesus.

This blog was originally published on the G3 Ministries website. You can find it here.

  1. https://www.ligonier.org/learn/devotionals/gods-greater-wisdom ↩︎

Do You Need A “Life Manual?”

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity

If there was one book of the Bible that I wish I had completely memorized, it would be the book of Proverbs.  Kevin Swanson has wisely stated, “Of all of the possible curriculum choices used for the education of our children, the most important textbook of all is that which God Himself presented in the book of Proverbs.[1]” I would add, not just the education of our children, but the education of us all.  There is a reason that for centuries many Christians have been reading the Proverb of the day (reading the chapter in Proverbs that coincides with the day of the month.)  The Bible, in its totality, explains who God is, who man is, and how we can be reconciled to Him through Christ.  It is one big story in four major parts: Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Consummation. Yet within the big story of the Bible we find a manual for daily living.  We find this in the book of Proverbs.  It is filled with practical godly advice that is packed into short pithy sayings (which makes them great for memorization).

Life is hard and it takes great wisdom to navigate through it.  Thankfully, if we are believers, we have Jesus who laid his life down for us, gave us direction, and provided the perfect example of living life in a wise way to the glory of God the Father.  This is why he has often been referred to as “wisdom personified.”  He perfectly obeyed all of the Father’s lawful demands and he lived with perfect wisdom.  Jesus is God and yet our elder brother.  If we want to live as Christ did, the book of Proverbs is a good place to start.    

Our family loves the book of Proverbs.  This is part of the reason that this year we have decided to commit many of them to memory.  If you would like, I invite you to memorize them along with us.  

If you would prefer a printable copy, you can click here for a PDF. 

Proverbs 1:7

            “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Proverbs 3:5-6

            “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Proverbs 4:23-27

“24Put away from you crooked speech and put devious talk far from you.
25Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.
26Ponderthe path of your feet then all your ways will be sure.
27Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.”

Proverbs 9:8

            “Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.”

Proverbs 9:10

            “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”

Proverbs 10:19

            “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”

Proverbs 11:22

            “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

Proverbs 12:1

            “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.”

Proverbs 13:4

            “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.”

Proverbs 13:24

            “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”

Proverbs 14:12

            “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death”

Proverbs 15:1

            “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 16:3

            “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”

Proverbs 16:9

            “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

Proverbs 16:18

            “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 17:14

            “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out.”

Proverbs 17:22

            “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Proverbs 18:21

            “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

Proverbs 19:13

            “A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.”

Proverbs 20:1

            “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”

Proverbs 21:1

            “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will.”

Proverbs 22:6

            “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 22:7

            “The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.”

Proverbs 24:10

            “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.”

Proverbs 25:28

            “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”

Proverbs 26:4-5

            “4Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. 5Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.”

Proverbs 27:17

            “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

Proverbs 28:13

            “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.”

Proverbs 29:2

            “When the righteous increase, the people rejoice, but when the wicked rule, the people groan.”

Proverbs 30:5-6

            “5Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
6Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar.”

Proverbs 31:10

            “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.”

Proverbs 31:30

            “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

[1] https://store.generations.org/products/proverbs-collection-1-2-3#description

A Prayer of Adoration Sample

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity

“Grace and peace to you this morning, church.”  This is my usual greeting when it is my turn to read the scripture for the call to worship on the Lord’s Day.  We typically have three scripture readings and prayers during our corporate gathering.  The three prayers that we typically pray are a prayer of adoration (after our call to worship), a prayer of confession (after our Old Testament reading), and a prayer of thanksgiving (prior to our worship though the offering).  Over the next few weeks I would like to share an example of what the different types of prayers can look like.  Today, I will share our prayer of adoration that was prayed this past Sunday after our call to worship.  It is based off of the text that we read from Isaiah 40:1-8. 

1 Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.

2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,

    and cry to her

that her warfare is ended,

    that her iniquity is pardoned,

that she has received from the Lord’s hand

    double for all her sins.

3 A voice cries:

“In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord;

    make straight in the desert a highway for our God.

4 Every valley shall be lifted up,

    and every mountain and hill be made low;

the uneven ground shall become level,

    and the rough places a plain.

5 And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed,

    and all flesh shall see it together,

    for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”

6 A voice says, “Cry!”

    And I said, “What shall I cry?”

All flesh is grass,

    and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.

7 The grass withers, the flower fades

    when the breath of the Lord blows on it;

    surely the people are grass.

8 The grass withers, the flower fades,

    but the word of our God will stand forever.

Here is an example of the call to worship prayer after the selected reading:

            “O Lord, how glorious, wonderful, and splendid it is for we, your people, to know that your Word is forever fixed in the heavens; to know that though the grass withers and the flower fades, the Word of our God will stand forever.  For it is through your Word that we know your truth.  It is through your Word that we know how to please you.  It is through the Spirit inspired and Spirit illuminated Word that we come to know you, our God . . . and Christ, our King.  We desire to be a people of the Word.  We desire to be shaped by your Word.  We desire to be moved by your Word.  We desire to be comforted by your Word, just as you did for your people through the prophet Isaiah twenty-seven hundred years ago with these words that we just heard. 

            Today, O Lord, as we prepare our heads and our hearts to worship you through the Word,  as you have called us now from the Word, and you have spoken through the reading of your Word, let us all see now and savor the your glory that has been revealed.  Change us. Shape us. Move us. Challenge us. Comfort us today as we sing, pray, give, and respond to the preaching of your Word.  May our worship bring glory to you through our perfect Mediator, Jesus Christ.  For it is in his name that I pray, amen.”  

            And that’s it.  It is pretty simple, yet driven by the text that we read.  It is a call from the Word for the people of God to worship our God the way that he deserves through the ordinary means of grace during the service.  

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

No, Your Teen Doesn’t “Need” a Smartphone

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, Discipleship, family

I know what you are thinking after reading the title.  Maybe you have a teen or pre-teen and you are trying to decide whether or not to get them a phone.  You may be thinking, “Yes, I know they might end up spending too much time on their phone, but I will feel safer knowing that they have one.  I’ll be able to check on them whenever I want to see exactly where they are.  I’ll be able to call them any time I need them and they’ll be able to get a hold of me any time that they need.”  When the subject comes up with your kid all you hear is, “Mom/Dad all of my friends have one.  How am I supposed to keep up with what is going on if I don’t have one? This is just how things are living in our world today, you know?  If I don’t have one then I am going to be made fun of.  I will be the only one of my friends without one.”  I know it can be hard to say “no.”  You can rationalize the good in your mind.  But, I want you to strongly consider saying, “no” to that Smartphone request.   If you say, “no,” know that you will be in the minority.  However, I truly believe that you and your family will be far happier and safer if your teen doesn’t have one in their hands.  I believe that it is most wise to say no to the Smartphone until after High School.  Let me provide a few reasons as to why.

The Addiction Factor:

Let’s face it, Smartphones are addictive.  Most anyone can see it, and recent statistics confirm it.  We also know that many teenagers already deal with compulsive behavior.  Putting addiction and compulsion together is a receipt for disaster.  This is not just a teenager issue.  The reality is many adults, who didn’t grow up in the digital age, have a near addiction to their Smartphones.  If adults have a hard time finding the balance with Smartphones, teens who are still trying to learn these skills have little chance of overcoming it on their own.   According to a recent article by Harvard University, when a person gets a social media notification, their brain sends a shot of dopamine to the brain causing a euphoric experience.  Dopamine is most often associated with food, exercise, romance, sex, gambling, drugs, and now that little black pixelized box in the hands of hundreds of millions of people. When many of our teens struggle enough with compulsive behavior does it seem wise to give them something that is going to tempt them toward that end even more?  Paul, in I Corinthians 9:27 writes, “but I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”  In this day and age it takes discipline to control our phone habits; discipline that many teens lack the desire or self-government to do.  If we want to help our teens hone in on discipline and self-control then putting a smart phone in their hand will likely contradict this.           

The Pornography Factor:

When many of us were teens pornography was hard to come by (praise the Lord).  But that is not true in today’s world.  27% of all unfiltered internet is pornographic.  In 2020 a study was done that showed some 51% of all 11-12 year-olds polled were aware of and had access to pornography, 13-14 year-olds . . . . 66%, 15-16 year-olds . . . an astonishing 79% .  It is available on almost every social media platform.  The accessibility to pornography is near unfettered.  If a teen has a Smartphone, internet access, and a desire to see pornography, they can find it in a matter of seconds.  Pornography can rob your soul (Matthew 16:26).  It can cost personal relationships (Ephesians 5:3).  It can cost a person sexual joy with their future spouse (Song of Solomon 8:4).  Paul says that we are to “Flee sexual immorality”(I Corinthians 6:18).  A loving father or mother would not give their child a pornographic magazine nor a XXX movie for their birthday.  However, you are inviting these things into your home and the mind of a pubescent curious teen by giving them a Smartphone.  You may not be able to keep your son or daughter from having lustful thoughts, but you can keep the digital temptation and call of the Siren out of their hands.              

The Time-Sink Factor:

According to Common Sense Media, 53% of American children own a Smartphone by age 11.  The average teen in the U.S. spends some 7 hours a day on their Smartphone (outside of school and any extracurricular activities.)  This is a lot of screen time. Just like adults, teens can easily get sucked into the blue faced vortex of their Smartphone as they mindlessly scroll through social media.  The Apostle Paul commanded the church in Ephesus to redeem the time, because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16).  There is a place for leisure.  There is a place for playing games, reading articles, and catching up with friends.  But, we all know the allure of that digital mistress.  Teens have so many wonderful things that they could be doing with their free time that could be productive.  Time is a gift from God for teens.  They will never again have as much free time as they do now.  This is precious time that they will never get back.  Smartphones can be the source of a massive waste of time if not checked.  Time is a gift.  Help your teens to be good stewards of it.      

The Safety Factor:

Many parents may think that there is more danger outside of the home than in the digital world.  But recent statics have shown that violent crime has significantly dropped over the past 30 years.   One of the most dangerous places for teens to be today is actually online. Cyberbullying is no joke.  It is reported that between 50-60 percent of teens who are on social media have been cyberbullied.  Since the invention of the Smartphone 10 years ago teen suicide rates have quadrupled.  Diagnosed anxiety has more than doubled since the invention of the Smartphone.  These are some alarming statistics, both of which are closely tied to Smartphone usage. 

Yet, bullying is not the only danger.  There is story after story about predatory behavior as well.  It can come in the form of sexual, emotional, or psychological abuse through apps and other online sources.  This can happen without the other person ever being in the same room.  Sadly, some of these encounters have eventually led to real physical abuse.

Now this isn’t limited to Smartphone users.  This can happen through any device that hooks up to the internet.  But know this: if your child’s Smartphone connects to the internet the safety factor increases exponentially.  Jesus told his disciples, “be wise as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16).  As parents we must heed these words from Christ when considering the safety of our teen or pre-teen.  You must ask yourself, “Am I being as wise as a serpent when considering this phone?”  Because, I promise, smartphones are not nearly as innocent as they may seem.   

Applying Wisdom

What I have laid out here, I believe, it to be based on biblical wisdom.  I am aware that a Smartphone itself is not sinful.  However, we must ask if it is wise and best for our teenage sons and daughters? I know there are circumstances where a Smartphone may be necessary for your teen (to monitor their health for example).  I know in this day and age it will likely put your teen on the outside looking in with their friends.  But remember this: you are their parent.  You get to decide what is best for them, not their peers.  Not society.  Don’t give in to your son or daughter’s tears or youthful persuasion.   You are going to stand before God to answer for how you shepherded your home.  Fathers, you particularly will be judged on how you protected your family as the head of your home in this matter.  So, I ask you to sincerely consider what has been written here before busting out your credit card for another monthly payment on that $800 iPhone for your 13-year-old.  However, if you have prayed through it and you still believe that your teen “needs” a phone, let me provide a couple of safe(ish) options for you. 

The Gabb Z2 phone: 

It looks like a Smartphone, but without the worries.  It has no social media, no web browsing, no games, and no app store.  It cannot hook up to the internet at all.  So, no worries.  What you do get with it is 14 essential apps: music, phone, messaging, contacts, camera, video, gallery, calendar, calculator, clock, voice recorder, FM radio, file manager and settings.  It also has a built in GPS.  If you are looking for a smart phone that isn’t so smart, this one might fit the bill (It is only $100).

The dumb phone: 

That’s right, a simple flip phone that we all had back in the day that takes horrible pictures and can only text and call.  If your teen needs a phone, the old trusty flip phone may be the best choice.

No phone at all:

I think it is wise to have an extra cell phone or two for your family.  When your children are old enough to drive it seems wise that they would have a phone with them in case it is needed while driving.  However, I know many families who just have a “family cell phone” that they grab while going out the door.  It isn’t any one person’s phone.  It is just for the purpose of having access to the phone when it is needed.  It is not constantly on a person but is picked up when walking out the door.   

Concluding Thoughts          

My final admonition as I close would be to take 90 minutes to sit down with your spouse  and watch the film Social Media Dangers Documentary — Childhood 2.0.  I am convinced that it will open your eyes to a world that you may have never knew existed, but it is one that your teen or soon-to-be teen will live in (for better or worse) when it comes to Smartphones and social media.  May the Lord guide you in this area with his rich biblical wisdom.  And for the sake of your children and future grandchildren remember this little proverb: when it comes to a phone for your teen, the dumber it is, the wiser and better off your kid will be.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

Act Like Men: What boys need to know to become mature godly men

by romans122life, posted in Christianity, Church, Discipleship, Life, manhood, Uncategorized

I have three energetic but wonderful sons, and for the past several years I have sought to find some sort of boyhood to manhood scope and sequence list that could help me and other fathers know what to be striving for (spiritually, developmentally, and practically) in raising our sons.  I have asked many older and wiser fathers who have raised godly young men if they knew of anything like this, but no one knew of any such list. So, after much time, conversations, and research I have compiled a list that I hope will be helpful for my sons and yours.  But, why make a list?  Why have such goals?

I believe we live in a time of perpetual adolescence.  A time when many fathers are not training their sons up in the Lord, but also are simply not training their sons up at all except to enjoy their entertainment or sport of choice.  In I Corinthians 16:13 Paul writes, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”  We also read in Luke, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52).  Notice it says that Jesus grew in respect with men, even as a preteen boy.  Yet, He also grew up in respect to God the Father. When I look to the scriptures I see a call to fathers to raise their children up . . . to train them.  Why?  So that they can live a godly life (1 Thessalonians 4:11) before God and man to the glory of God the Father. I want to know how best to do this. The heart behind this list is to have something for fathers to strive for in their training, but also to have something those young men can set as a goal and put sweat into to achieve.

I wrote this list with my children in mind.  Thus, it is very contextual.  This list is not universal.  If you are reading this and you live in Miami, Florida, the whole “driving in the snow” will likely not be a need for your son.  In your context you might want to think, “When should my son know how to prepare a house for a hurricane?”  This list doesn’t have to be your list.  However, my hope is that maybe you will take this list and make it your own.  Use what is useful and helpful and toss the things that are not useful for your context.  My encouragement would be for you to think through the list and see what you would want to add to it, and then add to it and start the process with your sons.  Your desired age may look different than this one, but let me persuade you to not set the bar low.  Remember the words of the great missionary, William Carey, “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.”  If you want your sons to attempt great things for God, you have to put them on that trajectory to do it now—when they are young.  So, make a list; check it twice.  Act like men and teach your boys to do the same.    

What to know?Age?
1Memorize and understand the 4 part biblical metanarrative 6
2Ride a bike without training wheels 6
3Know their parent’s phone number 6
4Know their home address 6
5Swim without help 7
6Do a proper push-up 7
7Know the books of the Bible in order 7
8Know how to read an analog clock 7
9Prepare their own fishing rod 8
10Own their first knife 8
11Memorize and understand the 7 “C’s” of history 8
12Talk to an adult by looking them in their eyes 8
13Have the 10 Commandments memorized 9
14Have a thorough understanding of the basics of the gospel 9
15Know how to sharpen a knife 9
16Throw a football properly 9
17Have the Romans Road memorized 10
18Shoot a gun 10
19Know gun safety 10
20Be able to read a map 10
21Do their own laundry 10
22Cook a simple meal 10
23Have a proper understanding of  the fear of God in all things 11
24Tie a proper knot 11
25Start a fire 11
26Read a 200 plus page book 11
27Have a “purity” weekend retreat with his father 12
28Mow the lawn 12
29Tie a tie 12
30Understand basic self-defense 12
31Have read “Pilgrim’s Progress” 12
32Read and use a tap measure 12
33Have a proper firm handshake 12
34Shoot a basketball properly 12
35Have a biblical understanding of manhood and womanhood 13
36Start a first job 13
37Split firewood 13
38Proper handwriting 13
39Read the Bible through 14
40Brew a pot of coffee 14
41Know how to pray—biblically 14
42Change a tire 15
43Check the oil in a vehicle 15
44Drive a car 15
45Fix a leak 15
46Have a chapter in the Bible memorized 15
47Jumpstart a car 15
48Perform basic car maintenance 15
49Write a proper letter 15
50Have 10 hymns of the faith memorized 16
51Know how to shave 16
52Know how to drive in the snow safely 16
53Use a chainsaw safely 16
54Understand how to manage a budget (biblical economics) 16
55Have their own bank account 16
56Have some basic carpentry skills 16
57Play an instrument 16
58Have an overarching redemptive understanding of the Bible 17
59Negotiate a deal or barter 17
60Have some basic home electrical skills 17
61Drive a manual transmission vehicle 17
62Back up a trailer on a hitch 17
63Type 45 WPM 17
64Proficient using a computer 17
65Fell a tree 17
66Have critical thinking/situational awareness skills 17
67Have a basic understanding of biblical apologetics 18
68Grill meat properly 18
69Have $1,000 in a savings account 18
70Iron their clothes 18
71Know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver 18
72Know how to perform CPR 18
73Have a library of at least 25 theological books 18
74Know how to properly pursue a young lady 18

What should happen on Sunday? The 8 “E’s” of the Lord’s Day.

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, Preaching, Worship

The Lord’s Day is special.  It is the only day of the week where most of us get a break from the normal rhythms of our life.  It is also a day when we get a small foretaste of eternity.  Richard Baxter provides a great reminder of this when he said, “What fitter day to ascend to heaven, than that on which He arose from earth, and fully triumphed over death and hell. Use your Sabbaths as steps to glory, till you have passed them all, and are there arrived.”  What a blessing that Sunday, the Lord’s Day, is. 

            When I think about what should take place on a typical Lord’s Day I find myself coming up with at least 8 things that should be present each week.    

Exalting  

            The Lord’s Day is the Lord’s day.  It is about celebrating the resurrection of our Lord.  It is about worshiping Him and Him alone.  This is how the day should begin and end.  It is an entire day that is set aside for this primary purpose; exalting the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  We must do it with our words, our actions, and our attitudes.  If you are not doing this primarily then you are not truly taking this day seriously.   The day must be a day of exaltation of our Lord. 

Exposition

            This word simply means “to expose.”  It means to comprehensively explain an idea.  Primarily this will be done through preaching.  Expository preaching is simple, but effective.  It simply means that you read the Word, explain the Word as it would have been understood in its original context by careful exegesis, and apply the original meaning of the Word to the listening audience of today.  Expository preaching may look and sound different according to the preacher, but this is what we should be listening to on any given Lord’s Day coming from the pulpit. It is through proper exposition that we find the bread of life and the living water that we need.        

Equipping

            Part of the pastor’s job is to “equip the saints for the work of ministry” (Ephesians 4). While this can be done during a Wednesday prayer service or a Tuesday morning bible study, it should be a part of the Lord’s Day, as well.  In the hearing of prayers, it should equip us better to pray.  In the singing of songs, it should equip us for personal worship.  In the giving of offering, it should equip us to give sacrificially every day of our life.  The Lord’s Day should be a day of equipping. 

Edifying

            Edification should be part of our normal Lord’s Day as well.  To edify means to build someone up.  In the Christian life it has to do with building the character of a person.  This is typically done through teaching but it is also done by the ordinary means of grace.  It can also take place through good and godly conversation with a wiser brother or sister before or after church.  This, no doubt, can and should take place at time other than on Sunday, but the Lord’s Day provides a unique opportunity for it.  It is the one day when your closest brothers and sisters in Christ are gathered together.  It is when the things of God are at the forefront of our minds.  The Lord’s Day is a good day to be built up.  It is a good day for the work of edification. 

Exhorting

            Exhortation is what sets teaching apart from preaching.  Most often teaching is more about the transfer of information.  The preacher wants you not only to understand the information, but also has a deep desire for you to do what has been taught.  This is where exhortation comes in.  To exhort means “to urgently call the listener to respond.” A mother may exhort her son to clear his room before his father gets home.  A coach may exhort their athlete to push through with two more reps while bench-pressing, believing that those reps is what will push the team over the edge in victory.  Yet, for Christians, we should go to church with an expectation of being exhorted from the Word.  The Lord’s Day is a day for exhortation. 

Encouraging

            There should not be a more encouraging day on your calendar each week than Sunday.  When we go to church we get to meet with our spiritual family.  We get to fellowship, to serve, to worship in song on the Lord’s Day.  We get fed by the Word in Sunday school or small groups.  We get to pray for one another.  We get to feast upon the Word through preaching.  In all these ways, the Lord’s Day should be a day of great encouragement.

Evangelizing

              To evangelize literally means “to announce or declare the good news.”  This good news is that Jesus has come to set the captives free and to save all who believe in him.  He came to die for his bride, the church, by providing himself as the perfect, blameless, and righteous substitute.  He stood in their place and took the just wrath that his people deserved.  Yet, he didn’t stay dead.  He rose from the dead on the third day as our victorious and conquering King. The good news is that for all who profess Jesus as Lord and repent of their sins shall be saved.  The Lord’s Day is all about celebrating this.  It is a day where, through the proclamation of the gospel, those who have not yet bent their knee to Christ are evangelized.  Historically, it has been a day when many in the church have purposefully set aside time to evangelize their neighbors and friends. It is the one day when the evangelion (Greek for “the good news”) should be shared from the pulpit to the neighborhood park.           

Ease

            You may have heard that the Lord’s Day is supposed to be a day of rest.  This is a hold over for the seventh day Sabbath that we find rooted in creation and then codified in the law of God to Israel.  According to Hebrews 4:9-11, the Christian’s Sabbath rest is now ultimately in Christ and not the seventh day of the week.  We are not bound to the Old Covenant’s demands of Sabbath keeping as Israel was, although many of the principles still apply for the Lord’s Day.  Just as God rested on the seventh day of creation after working for six days, so man was meant for both work and rest.  Just as Israel was commanded not to work on the Sabbath but to rest and worship, man was meant to rest from his normal work and worship the Lord on it.  The Lord’s Day is the day set aside to do that for most of us (duties of necessity and mercy aside).  Sunday should not look like every other day.  This is not what the Lord intended for his people.  Matthew 12:8 teaches us that the Sabbath (and by extension, the Lord’s Day) was made for man’s benefit, not to enslave man.  It is made as a day for us to rest and worship to rejuvenate both our physical body and our spiritual soul.  Thus, the Lord’s Day, even if it is filled with morning worship, evening worship, and fellowship in between, is supposed to look different than the other six days the Lord has given us.  It is supposed to be a day of ease for the soul, even if the day tires the body at times.     

            The Lord’s Day is a gift to God’s people.  It is not to be a burden but seen as a blessing.    Remember that as you are preparing this Sunday: a gift, a blessing.  Be reminded of the 8 “E’s” of the Lord’s Day and enjoy (a 9th “E”) every second of it.  You will never regret it.      

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell 

Fathers . . . You Must be a Fighter

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, Discipleship, manhood, Parents

Fathers, you must be a fighter.

            The Lord may have given you a strong personality.  If so, you must fight to keep it in check and submit it unto the Lord.  Your strong personality needs to be a sanctified personality. The Lord may have given you a more passive or meek personality.  Praise the Lord for tenderness and meekness!  Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek.”  Nevertheless, your meekness cannot be used as an excuse to lay your fight down.  You must fight against that possible vein of passivity. 

            If you are a father or a husband you have been called to be the protector of your home, no matter your personality (I Corinthians 16:13).  The Lord has given you that personality for his glory.  May it be sanctified and may it cause you to fight. 

Ways to fight for your children . . .

Fight to protect your children’s eyes (Matthew 6:22-23)

Fight to protect your children’s mind (Romans 12:2)

Fight to protect your children’s heart (Proverbs 4:23)

Fight to protect them from pride (James 2:16)

Fight to protect them from the sin of this age (I John 2:16)

Fight to protect them from laziness (Proverbs 13:4)

Fight to protect them from a low view of church (I Timothy 3:15)

Fight to protect them from a high view of self (Proverbs 16:5)

Fight to protect them from low view of self (Genesis 1:27)

Fight to protect their entertainment choices (Philippians 4:8)

Fight to protect their love for you (Ephesians 6:1-3) 

            Fathers, you are to be the earthly protector of your home.  It is time to get off the couch and prepare to fight.  I assure you . . . the world, the flesh, and the devil are all fighting for your children.  The Lord has given you the tools to fight and win.  You’d better get in the fight.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Adam B. Burrell

“How I trained my little ones to sit still and quiet” (by Jessica Burrell)

by romans122life, posted in Bible, Christianity, Church, Discipleship, family

This is a follow-up post to my previous post “Help, The Church Nursery is Closed!” in which I reference training your children at home to be content to sit quietly.  Once you are out in public, it is too late to ask them to behave in some new way that you have never taught them.  This post is an effort to convey how I trained my little ones in the peace and comfort of our home.  The Lord says to train up our children in the way they should go (Prov. 22:6), to train them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph 6:4), and to teach them to have a quiet and gentle spirit, which the Scriptures say is “precious in God’s sight” (1 Pet. 3:4).  I have tried to apply these Scriptures in some practical ways at home while teaching my children to sit quietly and respectfully.

So how do you start? Start slowly.  Start with 5 minutes, maybe less.  Sit on the couch with Mommy and children together reading a book or singing a hymn, all engaged in the same activity.  The purpose is to stay in the designated place for the duration of the time.  Most children love this quality time of having Mommy’s attention to themselves, and they rarely have any trouble complying.  The next step is to tell the child that they must read (or look at) their own book while Mommy reads a book separate from the child or works on something independent from the children, while still sitting on the couch right beside them.  In the first step, the child is the central focus.  In this second phase, the child will begin to realize that the point of being on the couch is not for Mommy to cater to their wishes, but rather for them to find contentment on their own.  While you need to be instructing the child in step one, this second step is more where reinforcing and teaching the child your expectations really comes in.  Tell the child “you may not squirm around and climb down to the floor.” And “Mommy has a timer set for 5 minutes. When it beeps, we will be all done.  Then you may get down and play.”  The child may not ask “how much longer” or similar questions.  The child must learn to be content to wait patiently until the time is done and Mommy says that it is time to get down.

I should clarify that “Still and quiet” time in our home meant no talking or moving around.  You stay in your place and entertain yourself with one quiet toy or book.  If this object was used to harass a sibling, it would be taken away, and the remainder of the time would be spent with hands folded neatly in the lap.  I do not exaggerate when I say that I can count on one hand how many times objects had to be taken away from my children in public.  They learned this lesson very well at home!  Consider anything a small child will normally do when they do not want to be still…roll around on the seat, scoot down to the floor, then they end up under the seat, or army-crawling to a nearby location.  Their innate intent is to push the limits and see how far is too far.  You as the mother need to decide what will be acceptable for your children while in public.  Are you okay with them sitting on the floor at the doctor’s office or crawling on the floor down to the end of the pew at church?  If not, be sure that you are firm in your training at home.  For us, no arm waving, clapping, or moving off the seat was permitted.  Depending on age, lying down quietly in one’s spot (not rolling) was permitted.

After the children have gotten the hang of a 5-minute interval of being quiet and occupying themselves with Mommy on the couch, the next step is to have Mommy get off the couch and do something else nearby, while leaving the children on the couch having their “still and quiet” time.  For example, I will tell the children to come and sit. Then, once they have been reminded of the rules of “still and quiet” time, I will step away while warning the children that I will be watching to make sure they do a good job.  I might sit in another area of the same room and make a call to schedule dental cleanings, while maintaining frequent eye contact with the children so they know I am paying attention to their behavior.  If a little one decides they aren’t interested in the training session, their behavior is quickly dealt with and they resume their time on the couch.  Quick and consistent discipline is necessary in this training time.  You will be training your children regardless of how you handle the situation.  While they are in the living room, it might be easy to warn them, “Mommy said get back on the couch… I mean it!”  But consider if this method will be an option in church or in the doctor’s office.  You want to train them to listen the first time, not the second or third.  They must learn to obey immediately and to realize that there will be swift consequences when they do not.  There will be no “easy out” if they disobey.  The training session will continue on after discipline has been handed out.

Once the children are able to sit quietly while you perform other tasks in the same room, the real test comes.  “Still and quiet” while Mommy leaves the room!  This was always our children’s favorite part of the training times.  I would have the children sit (they were permitted one quiet toy) while I left the room to set a timer and then come back in to check on them and see if they were still in the same place and quiet.  I might go put a letter in the mailbox but quickly return and pop in the room to surprise the children.  This can be a very fun activity.  The children never know what corner you might pop out around or what you might be wearing on your head when you return.  The “away” might be anywhere from 5 seconds to 15 seconds to begin with.  You want to help them keep their attention on the task at hand.  Don’t make this sitting session a miserable thing for them.  My children would often forget the toy they had in their lap and prefer to watch out for when I would pop my head back in the room to see how well they were doing.  I would give silent accolades whenever I peeked in and saw that the children were still doing as I had asked.

You may notice a natural progression in this: very small and familiar steps to begin with, then moving up to bigger steps.  This will not happen overnight.  I would recommend having a practice session every day, or a five-minute session in the morning and another one in the afternoon, depending on the age and personality of your child.

After the children can manage a 5-minute segment of time on the couch on their own with Mommy in and out of the room, it is time to add more time to the clock.  I would graduate them to 10-15 minutes on the couch with one quiet activity of their choice, whether it is a toy, a reading book, or a notebook with a pencil or crayon.  If the children are misbehaving or not obeying the way they should, the offending child must be removed and disciplined and brought back to resume their sitting time.  Meanwhile, the other children are expected to continue sitting quietly.  This has helped immensely during the years that my husband has been in a pastoral position and has been unable to assist me in the pew with the children.  I have been able to take the rowdy child out of the service to address behavior while leaving all of the other children (yes, even a two-year-old) sitting quietly in the pew without me in the room, knowing that they would sit still because they dare not be the next one leaving the sanctuary with me.

I have one last comment on praising your little ones for doing well.  Rewarding our children when they do well is not the same as bribery.  Bribery is a parent’s last attempt at getting what they want from their child.  It is a negotiation that puts the child in control of the situation and puts the parent at their mercy.  Rewards and positive affirmation for good behavior are very different than that.  When I ask my child to do something and they do it right away and with a cheerful heart, rewarding them in some way is a great way to help encourage and motivate the child to do it again.  They have honored me, and I want to bless them because of it.  This is a good and wholesome way to encourage good behavior in our children.

In my other post, “Help, The Church Nursery is Closed!” I talk about preparing for Sunday morning by starting on Saturday.  I mention that “less is more” when packing activity bags for kids in church or the doctor’s office, and I give a few other ideas like finding a seat near the exits and arriving early to claim it.

I hope this post has been an encouragement to you!  It is not always easy, and it is never a fast process to train up our little ones in the way they should go.  But, as the Lord commands us to do it, I hope this will be of some small encouragement to you as we strive to please Him!

Jessica E. Burrell

“Help! The Church Nursery is Closed!” (by Jessica Burrell)

by romans122life, posted in Christianity, Church, Discipleship, family

Today has brought about many changes in our culture: schools shutting down and mask-wearing becoming a requirement in most establishments, to name a few.  Many of these changes in recent days affect our everyday life, even for the stay-at-home mom.  While we may be inconvenienced by some of the new CDC requirements, like trying to keep masks on our squirming children while in public, there are some challenges that prove more difficult than others.  As Christian mothers, one of the greatest difficulties we face may be that of the closing of the church nurseries.  Due to the light-speed way that children can transfer germs from one person or surface to another, most churches have closed down their nurseries for the time being.  This leaves parents with younger children only two options: stay home and live-stream the service from the living room, or attend church as a family, all in one pew, squirming children and all.  I will be approaching this issue as a sister in Christ, loving mother, and wife of a pastor.  This is a difficulty facing many young families today, and there is no easy answer.

Don’t Stop Going To Church

As hard as it may seem to take your family to church and sit in the pew with the entire family while you try to keep the young children quiet as the pastor preaches, this is your calling from the Lord.  Whether you are a pastor’s wife and your husband has to sit on the front row or stand in the pulpit while you try to manage the children in the pew alone, or whether you have two parents with grandparents able to help share the load, whether you are a single mom or dad bringing your children to church who have never once sat through a church service because they always go to nursery or children’s church, your God-given calling and obligation is to have your family in church – assembling together with the saints.  We might think that live-stream is an easy “out,” or a suitable alternative, but I would suggest that this is not the case.

Many churches are re-assembling with caution and are keeping live-stream available for those who are at risk and for those who are maintaining a “shelter-in-place” lifestyle.  For the rest of us, families included, we are in some part back to the grocery stores, vacations and outings.  If this is the case for your family, it stands to reason that you should be back to church as a family, as well.  There are many factors that could cause difficulties with bringing children into the church who are not used to sitting in the pews.  Regardless of the factors involved, this is no excuse to forsake God’s commands (Heb 10:25); this is simply a new growth opportunity that the Lord has placed in your path.  There is nowhere in the Scriptures that makes provision for the church to forsake the assembling together until nursery or children’s church is available.  No matter the age of your child or children, you need to be in church, and so do they.  As much as it is difficult to adjust to this (whether by choice or for lack of any other options), many of us are being required to turn “family integrated” for a time.  I know these are not easy words to speak, and I can say from experience that it is even harder to live out.  It can be a very difficult thing to adjust to, but just because it isn’t easy, doesn’t make skipping church an option.

How I Got Started on this Journey

For me, this journey started when I had four young children.  Our oldest was 6 years old (a girl). After her, we had three boys in a row (5, 3, and 16 months).  Our youngest son had seriously injured his hand and was in need of multiple surgeries and frequent doctors visits.  It was an hour drive to the Pediatric Hand Specialist’s office, and after having four young children strapped in their car seats for an hour, they were then expected to wait in a waiting room and accompany me into the patient room where the three oldest would have to be left without my watchful eye as I took their little brother to a nearby room for x-rays.  After we returned to the patient room, we would wait until the doctor arrived to discuss this very serious situation with me.  All the while, there were four children, 6 and younger, going completely stir-crazy and one frazzled Mommy trying to control the situation and have a coherent conversation with the doctor.  This was a very rude wake-up call for me when I realized that I had no choice but to somehow survive this situation again and again at every doctor’s visit, every x-ray, and every consultation.  It was impossible for my husband to take more time off work to help me after he had already taken time for two hospitalizations and hand surgeries for our little guy.  My only option was to train my children at home to behave the way I needed them to so that we could make it through all of these trips without chaos and tears for all five of us!

It may sound crazy to expect so much from a little one who many say can’t even reason yet, but there is nothing ridiculous at all about teaching your child to sit relatively still and occupy himself quietly for a little while.  As a matter of fact, I would go so far as to say that the parent who never trains their child to be still for a length of time is actually depriving their child of learning self-control at a younger age when it comes a little easier.  The practice of sitting “still and quiet,” or whatever you will call it, will be a blessing to you as the parent, as well as anyone you encounter.  You will also find that God rewards your child with a more content spirit when they are taught to be still for short periods of time.

Trust me when I say, “You can do this.”  But while you are sitting in a church service with 100 other people trying to listening to a 30-45 minute sermon, you will realize that this is NOT the time to teach your child how you expect them to behave.  This will only frustrate you and your child (Eph. 6:4).  You must work on training your child to sit quietly while in the comfort and safety of your own home.  If you are interested in the way I trained my children at home, please look for my follow-up post.  “How I trained my little ones to sit still and quiet”

Keeping Your Kids in the Pew Begins At Home

I would like to give a few practical pointers to help you wrap your mind around this concept.  From the early infancy age through toddlers and preschoolers with the wiggles, it is not easy to ask children to sit “still and quiet,” as we say in my home, for an hour-long service.  But they can do it.  It is also important to be considerate of those around you and not insist on keeping a screaming toddler in the service during his entire tantrum.  My first suggestion would be to find an area in the church that has easy access to one of the exits.  Next, plan to arrive at church early enough to claim this area for your family so that you ensure an easy exit if someone gets too rowdy or disruptive.

Next, you must plan for Sunday morning the night before.  You don’t want to show up to church frazzled and frustrated before the service has even started.  This will not help you to have the patience and grace needed to guide your children through the worship service.   Saturday night, be sure that all baths are taken care of, clothes are picked out and ironed if needed, shoes are found and matched, hair bows are selected, etc.  In our home, everyone must have Mommy approve their outfit before dinnertime on Saturday so that there is not “whoops” on Sunday morning.  Sunday morning your only goal should be to make sure everyone is clothed, fed, and ready to leave.  Once in the pew, I have found that less is more as far as busy activities go.  I used to pack a full bag of books, toys, snacks and crayons, only to find that at the end of the service I had an entire half-acre of mess to clean up.  Not to mention needing to offer apologies for the new “art” on the underside of the pews.

When thinking about your child’s needs for the service, pack appropriately according to their age.  If your child is able to write, give them a few writing tools and a notebook.  You can draw a word, for example: “God,” and your child can copy it.  Then you can draw a picture on one side of the page and your child can write it on the other side.  At this point their imagination usually takes over and they will doodle quite happily for a while.  If you have a young child, be sure that you pack pacifiers, quiet (and not messy) snacks, and a select few books and toys in a small bag that the child can access easily on their own to play with quietly.  As you make all of these preparations on Saturday night, remember that your training begins at home.  Be sure that your children understand your expectations before you get to the church.  We now have seven children in our home and can easily fill an entire pew.  There was a season when we had to assign each child their “spot” and tell them which siblings would be sitting on either side of them so that we would not have any arguments or disruptions in the pew.

Don’t Grow Weary – You Can Do This

Last of all: do not grow weary in doing good (Gal. 6:9).  There have been Sundays in church or weekdays in a doctor’s office that I wanted to throw my hands in the air and say, “I’m done training today!  We’ll be waiting in the car!”  We have had a few days when I had to abandon the grocery cart in the middle of the store and head to the van to deal with behavior that couldn’t wait.  What I came to realize was that the grocery shopping was not my highest priority.  Taking that moment to train my child would last a lot longer than those groceries did.  I would encourage you to keep the same perspective when sitting through worship.  Is it fun to take a child out and deal with behavior, walk back into church, only to have to leave and deal with them again?  No.  But what you are doing is training your child that this behavior is not an option.  No matter how many tantrums he throws, the result will be the same: correction and re-entering the service.  I would caution against staying in the foyer to allow the disruptive child to play for the rest of the service.  If your child is having a day where he is completely uncooperative and is a distraction to everyone else in the sanctuary, look for a bench in the foyer to sit on.  But still practice sitting quietly during this time so he sees that his defiant behavior is not rewarded with playtime.  If this level of disobedience in public is common, maybe this is a sign that more time needs to be dedicated to training at home.

Although this task seems at times insurmountable, it is doable!  Trust me; I didn’t start until I already had four children.  Talk about challenging!  There were many times I wanted to give up.  I often felt as though there would never be a break and that I could never get a thing out of the worship service unless all of my children were tucked away in their classes and I could just focus on the pastor alone.  This is not true, though.  And as soon as we thinking that “just one thing” will make it all better, we need to make sure we aren’t manufacturing an idol in our hearts.  God didn’t give you a quiet pew without children.  God gave you those adorable rowdy children to love and care for, and He still requires you to come and worship Him.

I know that this may only be a short-term goal for you.  Perhaps you are only going to keep your children in the service until nursery becomes available again.  You must understand that this is a worth-while effort and a God-required effort you must make to bring your children to church.  We have to expel the notion that we are coming to church for our own selfish good.  First, we do this because the Lord commands it (John 14:15).  He gives us the desire for it, which is a blessing, but more than that, He requires it.  If it’s “no fun,” or “I don’t get anything out of it right now,” that’s okay.  You are honoring the Lord with your self-sacrifice.  Just remember that it’s not all about you.  It’s hard to live this out, but it’s true.  And for most of us, this season will get easier.  Our children don’t stay little forever.

We don’t have it all figured out.  And if you come to the church where we worship, you will see squirming kids, hear rustling papers, and probably even see a little one being taken out for a “talk.” And that’s a good thing.  Actually, if you were to come to church this week, you wouldn’t even see our whole family in the pew.  One of my children has a medical condition that has prevented her and me from returning to church yet. It is at this time more than ever I am so grateful for the Providential situation all those years ago when I was forced to teach my children how to be content to be still.  My husband is a pastor and elder in our church and cannot sit with our children during the entire service.  When he is on the platform, it is such a blessing to us both to know that our children have been trained to obey us and sit still and respectfully while he does what he needs to do.  That little 16-month-old with the hand injury is now six years old and sits quietly, taking what notes he is able to, or drawing a picture of his Daddy reading Scripture from the pulpit.  We don’t have it all together, and we never will.  But God has been faithful to do a work in our children, little by little.  We are weak vessels through whom the Lord has been pleased to exhibit His strength.

I hope this article has encouraged you and caused you to consider your responsibility for raising your children before the Lord.  If you are interested in a more how-to based article where I describe how I practically trained my children in these concepts at home, please look for my follow-up post.

Jessica E. Burrell